11.1, Kind Treatment Towards Parents

In the Name of Allah, the Glorified and Exalted, Who says in the Qur’an,
“And we have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents.” (29:8)

In another place of the Qur'an, Allah says,
“And your Rubb (Lord) has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Rubb! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young’.” (17:23-24)

And Allah says,
“And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years – give thanks to Me and to your parents.” (31:14)

Caught up in the zeal of youth and the passion for accomplishment, it is very easy to find ourselves attached to all kinds of commitments: studies, jobs, societal work, sports, and so on. We seek from such commitments all kinds of fulfilment and rewards. However, it is very important that such endeavours do not become a cause of neglect for the rights our families have over us, our parents in particular. Hence I would like to use this opportunity to remind us all (myself before any other) of the kind treatment and honour that our parents rightfully deserve.

‘Abdullah bin Mas’ud (RA) reported:
I asked the Prophet (SAW), “Which deed is loved most by Allah?”
The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said, “Salah (prayer) at its proper time.”
I asked, “What next?”
He (SAW) replied, “Kindness to parents.”
I asked, “What next?”
He (SAW) replied, “Jihad in the way of Allah.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

We see here nice treatment to parents mentioned alongside Salah (prayer) and Jihad Fee Sabeelillah, which leaves no doubt as to the importance of this injunction.

Abu Hurairah (RA) reported:
A person came to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) and asked,
“Who among the people is the most deserving of my fine treatment?”
He (SAW) said, “Your mother.”
The man again asked, “Who next?”
The Prophet (SAW) replied again, “Your mother.”
The man asked, “Who next?”
He (the Prophet (SAW)) said again, “Your mother.”
The man again asked, “Then who?”
Thereupon the Prophet (SAW) said, “Then your father.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

This Hadith demonstrates that the rights of the mother are three times more important than that of the father. Among the reasons for this is that the following three troubles are borne exclusively by the mother while the father does not share them with her: Firstly, she carries the baby in her womb for nine months. Secondly, the labour pain which she suffers. Thirdly, the two years of suckling, during which time her sleep at night is disturbed, her health is affected and she has to be very cautious in her food for the welfare of the baby.

Subhaana-Allah! When we look back and think about all the sacrifices and hardships our parents have gone through to raise, we should be filled with great shame for even the slightest trouble or grief that we may have caused them. We should be filled with great shame and remorse for ever raising our voice against them, for any time we have addressed them in a tone of dishonour or for even the slightest sigh of “uff” that we may have sighed against them.

We ask Allah to forgive us our shortcomings, we make firm our intentions to not repeat past mistakes and we seek refuge in Allah from the evil of our selves.

Abu Hurairah (RA) reported: The Prophet (SAW) said,
“May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced, whose parents, one or both, attain old age during his lifetime, and he does not enter Jannah (Paradise) (by being dutiful to them).” (Muslim)

The word “raghaam” mentioned in this Hadith means soil. When a person’s nose is soiled, it is a mark of his extreme humiliation. This metaphor carries a curse for an unfortunate person who does not win the pleasure of Allah by serving and obeying his parents.

Service of parents is essential at every stage of their life - whether they are young or old. This Hadith mentions their old age for the reason that in this period of their life they stand in greater need of care and service. It is a very cold and insensitive offence to leave them at the mercy of circumstances when they are old, senile and depend on others for their needs. To neglect them at this stage of their life is a major sin for which a person deserves to be disgraced.